I feel grateful for my family because of its imperfection. It is not as perfect as another family, maybe yours. But i realize that God’s Presence obviously works in my family, person by person. I couldn’t ever predict before, that my family become whole again like today. I know, it is still working in process, but I know that without God working directly to us, it would be impossible that i can have a better relation with my father.
I lived in an “almost” broken family. I have a bad relation with my father. It happened since my childhood period. Not many people knew this, even my close friends in every stage of my life. it was only known by my family. I don’t know the reason exactly why it all happened, but the thing i know is, everything became better gradually and it happened as it is, without my huge effort except praying. One thing i believe is that God has formed my family, especially my father, tenderly then obtaining a refine creation.
My mother and my father had a bad relation as a couple. They argumented too often and they did it in front of their children. I have a sister for ten years, and the youngest born in 2002. My second sister is special, she has a deficiency mental capability, which is prosaically called mental retarded. As the older child with the “mentally weak” sister at that time, i have no one to discuss about our family problem, while my mother told me everything about how she felt. On the other side, my father told me anything worse about my mom everyday, every morning in the car on my way to school. Moreover, He judged me that i was as annoying as my mother do. I did confuse about what i have to do at that time and finally i chose to hate both of my father and my mother.
Time flies as it should fly and i grew up as a teenage girl. I do all my bussiness and responsibility as a daughter. I connected to many people and they were becoming my friends, my inner circle, more than my family for me. Through them, i felt that i found the way out for a while, from my problem. I enjoyed in gather and hang out with my friends and didn’t even care about my family. Then i have a bad relation not only with my father but also with my sisters. My youngest sister told me that she couldn’t feel the love from sister in me. right! I was so happy and had an abundant laugh in my social life out of my family, and my mood dropped drastically when i arrived at home. My close friends recognized me as a cheerful girl but they never knew that i always be an unapproachable monster in my home.
It happened for several years. There is one thing that i grateful for, God never leave me alone and He kept me standing and walking on His track. although i had a messy life (at that time, for me), He drowned me in the religious community (rohkris). Through this organization, i was urged to build up my spiritual life in praying and bible reading. Ah, i involved in christmas celebration service in church every year for 3-4 years before i studied at senior high school. I always simply connected with God spiritually even i have a very bad habit in my family.
And slowly but sure, God Changed my life. I passed the SNMPTN and become a college-student at UNS, one of prestigious state university in Indonesia. It is located in Central Java, which the distance is so far from my home. I realized that it is one of the answer of my prayer, i wanted to study at far-far away university from home. Started from that stage, the “love” to my family progressively grew up. I got the vision that my family will be fixed up from the teaching of the local church (GBI Keluarga Allah). My faith gradually arisen and i started to ask God for fixing up my family through prayer. So many things happened. as long as i pray, the condition was not even getting better. I had a massive argument with my dad and he did many things that hurt my heart, then i think i couldn’t forgive him till i die. But i kept praying, and give thanks that i have received the fulfillment of my prayer.
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